Having unwittingly witnessed this scene, I approached her in a kind of Christmassy fervor and, using all my pacing skills, gently offered to give her son any toy for Christmas. Oh, what a difficult conversation that was! After going through all five stages of acceptance, the girl finally reluctantly agreed. When I approached the boy and said he could choose absolutely any toy, she snapped, “No, not just any! Choose the cheapest one and thank your aunt.” Together, they chose the simplest car, which he, of course, was incredibly happy with. When I told him to choose something else, the boy confidently replied, “No, one is enough for me , thank you.”
Now, the question is: how is this story not a demonstration of how a mother, like a hot potato, passes on her limiting beliefs about the world to her child? A mother who refuses to allow miracles into her life even on Christmas Day, looking for some catch or flaw in it, has thus exposed her beliefs about resources: “Nothing comes easy, and even if it does, there’s always a catch” and “You can’t rejoice often.”
“It is forbidden”
This is what a child, even now, at 4 or 5 years old, is already grasping for the future. This is what will run through their entire life. Because toys aren’t just toys to a child. For them, they are the embodiment of all the resources of our world. And it is their attitude toward toys in childhood that determines their future attitude toward money, time, communication, and opportunities.
When this little person grows up, he’ll be content not with as much as he desires, but with as much as he can get. And he’ll always be allowed less than he wants. And he’ll be ashamed, afraid to take as much as he wants. Even if it’s free, he’ll give it away. The idea of seeking more than he’s given (most likely) won’t even occur to him.
Because it is impossible .
Perhaps many of you grew up like this—parents and authority figures instilled in you unnecessary things and taught you in ways that weren’t beneficial to you. And perhaps, through inertia and ignorance, you teach these same things to your children.
But ignorance of the rules is no excuse, remember?
Now, please understand what I’m trying to say. Yes, a person really can be satisfied with very little. Yes, no one should be insatiable by default.
But a person must choose it himself!
How to raise a successful child?
No, you don’t need to indulge a child’s every whim to raise them to be successful and happy adults. The difference isn’t in parents’ ability to fill a child’s room with toys (although I’m all for a toy-filled room if that’s possible). The difference is that successful and happy children grow up in environments where they’re taught from childhood that it’s okay to want and okay to receive, that the world isn’t greedy, but generous!
By asserting the opposite as an absolute truth simply because it’s convenient for you at the moment, you’re depriving your child of their birthright: the right to pursue whatever they desire (in terms of resources). You’re cutting off their “possibility” strategy.
I spent a lot of time on this topic in the video training “How to Raise a Successful Child ,” but I decided it was worth at least briefly touching on it here for everyone. This should be heard by as many parents as possible, not only by future and current parents, but also by those who, as adults, are searching for the roots of their current behavior.
The fact that parents often (unconsciously) harm their children simply because it is more convenient for them: they don’t let them wash the dishes themselves, so as not to “re-wash” the child’s dishes, they don’t let them help in the kitchen with cooking, so as not to have to clean up afterwards, they don’t let them do their homework on their own, so as not to “embarrass themselves” in front of the teacher later… And at that very moment, the last person they do good to is the child.
These same parents, years from now, will be genuinely surprised and upset that they’re raising a “freeloader and lazybones.” But wait, how could it be otherwise? His strategies were cut off long ago, and “with the best of intentions.”
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